Seven or Eight Deaths of Stella Fortuna (9780062862846) by Grames Juliet

Author:Grames, Juliet
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2019-03-17T16:00:00+00:00

Part III

Maturity

Fhijlii picciuli, guai picciuli; fhijlii randi, guai randi.

Little children, little problems; big children, big problems.

—CALABRESE PROVERB

U lupu perde llu pilu, ma no llu vizzu.

A wolf may lose his fur, but never his vices.

—CALABRESE PROVERB

Chi sulu mangia sulu s’affuca.

Those who eat alone choke alone.

—CALABRESE PROVERB

Death 6

Exsanguination

(Motherhood)

ONE MORNING IN SEPTEMBER 1954, Stella Maglieri woke up alone in the bed she shared with her husband; he’d left for his 5 A.M. shift at the electric company several hours earlier. Dawn lay tangerine-orange on the slats of the venetian blinds. Stella stared at the sheet where it pulled taut over the perfect ball of her belly. Inside the ball was her restless fifth fetus; if she delivered it alive it would become her fourth child. In the crib beside her was her third baby, ten months old and fussing; in the converted closet were her first and second, stacked in bunk beds. As she watched the sun slide over her stomach, a voice sounded in her head: You are nobody.

For a moment Stella lay frozen, wondering if there was someone in her house. The voice was as clear as a factory boss on the claxon. You are nobody. But she hadn’t had a boss in six years, and besides, the voice sounded just like her own.

You are nobody, it said again.

And she wasn’t.

THIS IS THE STORY of the sixth way Stella Fortuna almost died, of motherhood.

* * *

BEFORE THE MOTHERHOOD, THOUGH, there must be the pregnancy, which happened pretty much right there in that Montreal honeymoon hotel bathroom. The fact was, Stella Fortuna, who had survived five near-death experiences, had endured the thing she’d feared even more than death. This time, no one had any sympathy for her.

For the thirteen hours of their train ride home, as the New England foliage burned by along the waterways on the other side of the window, Stella had seen none of the loveliness. Her mind was gray, and it grayed out the entire world. Someone could have snatched her hat right off her head and she might not have noticed. In the grayness there was one circle of thoughts: she was not a virgin anymore. She had given up the rosetta. A piece of someone else’s body was inside her even now. It was over, it was over, her choices, her chances to run. She could never have it back.

THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF HER MARRIED LIFE.

WHEN THEY ARRIVED IN HARTFORD, Carmelo Maglieri took his new wife to visit her family before heading home to his tenement. Carmelo and Stella drank coffee at Assunta’s dining room table, eating angel wings left over from the wedding. Tina had made an orange cake, and Assunta served them on her yellow glass as though it were a special occasion.

Stella sat through the visit feeling weary and ashamed. She let Carmelo do most of the talking, although she knew they were judging her for that, too—he’s subdued her, they must be thinking to themselves; he’s mastered her, finally someone has.

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